Purposeful

     I struggle throughout the day with the purposefulness of my tasks. Most of this stems from my doubt and ignorance about the future. Will this be a profitable venture? Is this actually going to get me where I want to be? It's really hard to be creative when I'm thinking that way, mostly because creative work is so rarely lucrative.
     The professional world, though, is not so different from the creative world. To profit from your creativity, the main requisite is to have already achieved some measure of success and recognition. Likewise, most employers want to know that you've already been working in the field that you are trying to break into. It's a paradox, and in this chapter I'm looking for that elusive formula for breaking into it.
     I found it once, and ended up working in 'ministry,' which appeared to be shaping up as my ticket at the time. How many ways can religion derail a person? I'm still counting, it feels like.
     In the meantime, I try to focus on the things Jesus tells me to focus on. This doesn't include what's going to happen tomorrow, or even how I'll provide for myself. My supposed work ethic and independence (read: desire for control) fight against that. Some people in my life fight against that. And I still am not convinced it's right.
     But what else am I gonna do?
     In the meantime, I actually enjoy living somewhere cold.

Digs

Wow, it's been awhile. A lot's happened.

Suffice to say, I'm in a new apartment and slowly unpacking. Still trying to get my photography business off the ground. I got a little smarter this time around, and I've been contacting wedding planners trying to partner up. I've had a couple really good meetings, so I'm hoping it will lead to some real work.

I'm learning a lot about faith right now. Well, I'm not learning a lot of new facts about faith, I'm just being worked on in that area. I'm on the faith treadmill. I often get into these situations that really make me wonder if I'm being wise at all--even though I'm doing everything I know to do to be wise (keeping wise counsel, praying, etc.).

In the meantime, I'm really thankful for my new place, my puppy, and my supportive parents. So much is going on with the other people in my life, this stuff is only just mine, and everyone seems to have more than their share of trouble. I'm thankful that we are going through our separate difficulties together.