Purposeful

     I struggle throughout the day with the purposefulness of my tasks. Most of this stems from my doubt and ignorance about the future. Will this be a profitable venture? Is this actually going to get me where I want to be? It's really hard to be creative when I'm thinking that way, mostly because creative work is so rarely lucrative.
     The professional world, though, is not so different from the creative world. To profit from your creativity, the main requisite is to have already achieved some measure of success and recognition. Likewise, most employers want to know that you've already been working in the field that you are trying to break into. It's a paradox, and in this chapter I'm looking for that elusive formula for breaking into it.
     I found it once, and ended up working in 'ministry,' which appeared to be shaping up as my ticket at the time. How many ways can religion derail a person? I'm still counting, it feels like.
     In the meantime, I try to focus on the things Jesus tells me to focus on. This doesn't include what's going to happen tomorrow, or even how I'll provide for myself. My supposed work ethic and independence (read: desire for control) fight against that. Some people in my life fight against that. And I still am not convinced it's right.
     But what else am I gonna do?
     In the meantime, I actually enjoy living somewhere cold.